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| hmmmmmmmmmm
party
people
gone
love
i love you Patrick
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| I Am indifferent there is no hope for my sister it pains me to say it but........There just isnt any
I Love You Joe Storm
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| "Bottom line is, even if you see 'em coming, you're not ready........... for the big moments. No one asks for their life to change, not really. But it does. So what are we, helpless? Puppets? No. The big moments are gonna come. You can't help that. It's what you do afterwards that counts. That's when you find out who you are. You'll see what I mean."
So I went to my Uncles Veiwing and funeral service
today with Phil and Jessie. The veiwing went ok and whatnot
But then we go the the funeral service about 2 hours later.
And that was FUCKING REDICULOUS. I mean here were all these
people there We didnt know dont get me wrong I mean I'm sure
we were related to pretty much all of them but no one went
out of there way to see who we were or who he was to us or
anything like that. They all were looking at us like we
shouldnt be there. And when the pastor went around to
see if anyonehad any words to say about my uncle, You would
get these people up there startung out like "Well Hi my name
is FuckFace and I've been clean for 10 minutes Besides the line
I snorted off my toothless girlfriend's ass In the car before we
got here" ok well maybe it was more like "Hi my name is John and
I've been clean for a month and working really hard blah blah
blah" and no one really had anything to say about my uncle.
Which really pissed me off. But I held my tongue. I mean Really,
..Is it possible for members of my family to think of others
besides themselves? I mean my god it was his Funeral Not A
"Hey Look at me I've been cleaner longer than you" party. I
cant honestly say that I didnt expect something like that to happen.
But I guess IU was just hoping it wouldnt. Foolish I know.
And I had this crazy Girl that I used to go to school with,
at my uncles funeral when she didnt even know anyone there.
and she was stalkin me telling me she married a 47 year old
and How I was going to hell for Having Witchcraft herritage in
my family's blood line and that since im a practicing wiccan
Im gonna burn and Since I'm Gay that Im going to burn worse
and all this other senseless bullshit that was spewing out of
that filthy little bitch's mouth. (excuse me for the language its
just upsetting is all) and She just kept talking to me and thank god I got away.
And the pastor didnt talk about my uncle either, All he talked about 90 %
of the whole service was how everyone in the room needed to accept Jesus
Christ as their lord and savior because he died for our sins and all that.
He spent put together about a whole 5 minutes talking about my uncle. That
too pissed me off. but I forgot to say During that 2 hours
between the veiwing and the servie I got 2 phone calls telling me One of my firends
died from a brain anuerisim (sp?) and annother one of my friends slipped
on some stairs and broke his neck and died, and that my firends uncle accidently
overdosed and died. I MEAN COME THE FUCK ON! I understand....
or I am beginning to understand rather that this is life and thats just the way
things happen sometimes, but seriously.....there is a limit to how much I
can handle in one day. Those who know me know that no matter how hard or how bad
it gets I can always deal. No matter what. They look up to me in times of
distress because they know I can deal and help them deal. But today was hard.
Im not gonna lie. THANK GOD My biological father wasnt able to fly in today
for the funeral and I know that sounds fucked up and im sorry but I wasnt
sure I could deal with the funeral and seeing him again for
only the second time in my life at the same time. and after all the shit today
I know that there was no way in hell that I could have done both no fucking way.
But yeah anyways So I also stopped by my sister's motel room to pick her up for the
funeral beacause we made plans the night before for me to come get her.
But when I got there She was turning A trick for a score on some dope. So she said
she wasnt going to the funeral. Yes you heard right now My sister is turning tricks
for dope. Not to say im suprised because im not and that was the farthest thing from my
mind today, I mean it sucks shes my sister i love her but i cant help her.
So all in all today was prtetty fucked up. Well ok lets stop candy coating it and call it
what it really is...........IT WAS A FUCKING SHAM, A TRAVESTY, A TRAGEDY, A JOKE,......
Damn............
Im so sorry uncle Craig I Love you
And I also found out today that My biological father is moving here in February
for sure to be a part of my life........after 19 years. not sure how im going to deal with that one yet
but I will. I swear to god if it wasnt for my Boyfriend Joe I would
have fucking lost it by know So baby, If your reading this... Thank you for everything you
do for me I love you So Much You mean the world to me.....
I Love You Joe Storm
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| Yeah The Rumors Are True Im Back
No More Nice Talus
..................................
Revenge is a dish best served cold..............
yes......... Very cold
I did it.
Is it me that makes you sweat?
Am I who you think about in bed?
When the lights are dim and your hands are shaking as you're sliding off your dress?
Then think of what you did
And how I hope to God he was worth it.
When the lights are dim and your heart is racing as your fingers touch your skin.
I've got more wit, a better kiss, a hotter touch, a better fuck
Than any boy you'll ever meet, sweetie you had me
Girl I was it, look past the sweat, a better love deserving of
Exchanging body heat in the passenger seat?
No, no, no, you know it will always just be me
Fuck your Face
And Now its times 2
I told You You Would Be Out Of It........
Dont Worry The Dead Will Carry You In
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| Like A Bad Girl Straight To Video ************************************************************************************* IM SERIOUSLY ABOUT TO FREAK THE FUCK OUT.........*sigh*
I knew my mom was getting drunk while I was at the BBQ and i thought i avoided it. guess i was wrong, I mean dont get me wrong shes not an alcoholic by any means but when she drinks a lot she acts really really fucking funny and just says shit that isnt nesacary, I get home and she like, goes off on me ......... tellin me im the m,an of the house and i need to do this and i need to do that and i need to tell so and so this and that and just fuckin bein a bitch to be perfectly honest. And its like all the sudden she expect all this shit from me like i need to lay down the law or some shit like that. FUCK THAT I work a 9-5 job and by the time i get home i dont give a fuck whos here my brother is 18 just like I am if he cant realize what needs to be done and what he shouldnt do, NEWSFLASH: "Not My Fucking Problem" I pay rent here i come home and i go in my room and thats where I stay. I could give a fuck less what goes on outside my bedroom door. My brother wants to treat it like a party house then fuckin let him its no skin of my fucking back. I Do what I do I pay the bills I pay and thats fucking that. Its not my issue to tell him what to do and what not to do Im not his parent Im his brother. Common sense needs to fucking kick in and he needs to start acting like a god damn adult. It pisses me off that I can barely get sleep because he is up getting high and partying and coughing his fucking brains out until 3 in the morning, what gets done about it? Nothing. So its fucking bullshit that my mom comes to me and fucking tells me i need to tell this person this and that person that its not my job this is her fucking house she can do it. If she doesnt wanna look like a bad guy, again that too is not my problem. As I said earlier I pay my bills I do what I gotta do. Thats it. I buy groceries and i pay for my cellphone and the internet and i pay rent. My brother can do whatever the fuck he wants as far as im concerned as long as it doesnt interfear with my job I dont care. So now my mom just called me from her bedroom telling me she gave my brother 3 months to move out.......YEAH FUCKING RIGHT. its never going to happen. He needs to understand mommy isnt going to be around forever and when his reality call comes its going to be wicked quick and quite sad because she wont be here to bail his senseless ass out of every rut he stupidly gets into. But as I was saying........She wont kick him out I mean I know she wont thats her son her baby, she wont. But whatever annother pipe dream. Im honestly not sure how much of this i can take to be honest Im just glad i dont have to fucking work tomorrow. God damn it....... | | |
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